Beauty's tyranny

Clothing styles constantly change – especially for women – but our

collective thoughts about what constitutes a beautiful woman

remains, with a few nuances, steady:  She’s young, often blond,

slim, with breasts and buttocks men will notice.

If a woman’s physical appearance falls outside this precise

definition, she’s old, ugly, worthless, to be ostracized, perhaps

even used.

And while many a man, including me, has cracked a few jokes

about the time it takes a woman to get ready, there’s something

all men would do well to keep in mind:  Women’s looks are harshly

judged and often their inner voices are bellowing, telling them

they’re not thin enough, young enough, stylish enough, beautiful

enough, possibly even blond enough, to attract a man.

It’s in the advertising; the magazines and newspapers; on the web;

on television; it’s in the movies and it’s in the stores.  Women

are surrounded and pressured by this message.

Beauty requires monthly appointments at the hair stylist, time

for a facial, never enjoying a meal, never eating dessert, and

allotting enough minutes in the bathroom, so she can make her

hair just right and her skin youthful, so she turns a few heads,

if not from men, from her biggest critics – other women.

Compare what she endures to how the average man sees

himself:  He might be 20 – 30 pounds overweight, but Adonis

is in the mirror, even when he’s naked.

Women feel something that rarely touches any man:  The

tyranny of beauty.

For teenage girls, especially, as well as young women in

their 20s, these exacting standards are so powerful they can

make them depressed, feeling ugly, unwanted, unappreciated,

leaving, potentially, a life-lasting impact.

And yet, there’s someone rarely asked for their opinion

about what they want in a woman – a man.

Most men, some published reports say, aren’t likely going

for the woman living the Madison Avenue-developed, 

Hollywood-produced, fashion-idea of good looks.

Both Psychology Today and Everyday Fitness, a blog produced

by the Discovery Channel, report men prefer curvy, fuller

looking women than the ones presented by the fashion industry.

But ideas so rooted in our culture die hard.  Models remain thin

and many of us take our  beauty cues from those appearing in

magazine ads, across television screens, perhaps even on the web.

So it’s no wonder Jes Baker, a woman with a fuller figure, 

perhaps even – dare I say it – fat, took it upon herself to

complain about feeling ostracized by Abercrombie and Fitch

because of her size.  She deserves a medal for her work.

Apparently there’s even a statement, from seven years ago, 

attributed to the retail chain’s CEO, Mike Jeffries, saying he

doesn’t want larger people shopping his store.

But let’s face facts:  The thin model appearing in Abercrombie

and Fitch ads is no different than the one appearing in many other ads.

In fact, the last time I saw an ad featuring “real women” – that

is, those not thin as a rail – goes back maybe a decade ago

and it was for Dove soap. 

As I recall, they placed ads on television and billboards showing

real women in their underwear and, frankly, each one was beautiful.

The soap maker has continued this theme with another round

of television or online video ads, asking women to describe

themselves to an artist who never sees them but draws them

based on their descriptions.

The artist then asks people, who just met these same women,

to describe them. 

Two pictures of each woman are placed side by side and no one

should be surprised to learn that the second pictures, where the

women were described by someone else, were not only a more

accurate representation of their looks but also more beautiful.

In other words, the women failed to realize how attractive they

are.  But others – even those they’d just met – did.

And then an epiphany sets in:  Each woman learns the world

sees her as far better looking than she’s ever seen herself.

So the fashion industry and parts of the retail business, as well

as our own society, have done a fine job providing women

with an inferiority complex.

Men have suffered, too.  These exacting standards prevent 

them from searching for women with great personalities or ones 

with high intelligence – in other words, women who may not

meet beauty’s standards.

Instead, he feels compelled to look for the woman that meets

the definition but who may very well look at him with the

same cutting eyes used against her.

Men have their own beauty expectations to fill.  They’re to be

tall, dark and handsome; in other words, six feet tall, with broad

shoulders.

Beauty forces us into a mold.  Instead of putting our efforts toward

finding someone whose mind connects with ours, who will improve

our souls, through a loving, in-depth relationship, we’re focused

on the superficial – the butts, the boobs, the hair, the height and

the shoulders – which fails all of us no matter our gender.